I work a lot with youth in my job, and I spend a lot of time with them outside of the public school setting. Recently, a few middle school students have been coming across the street to our church to hang out after school. I don't know if this sounds cool or glamorous at all - kids who normally wouldn't have anything to do with church coming to hang out after school - but it's not always all that great. I love that they feel welcome, that they feel comfortable with me, and that they consider the church a safe and fun place to hang out. But they also act wild, disrespect me and the building, take stuff for granted, and basically act like they should be able to act as crazy as they want and take as much stuff as they want.
From time to time they share with me stuff that's going on in their lives. One of them (we'll call him Billy) can be particularly destructive. Sometimes he just likes to throw or break stuff just for the fun of it. Anyway, he told me the other day that he was going to have to move to another state to live with his mom. Apparently, his dad is in jail for a year for a hunting-related crime. Though Billy protests his dad's innocence, the news story Billy showed me detailed a long history of Billy's dad committing the same crime over and over again, and now he has to go to jail to pay for it. For Billy, this initially meant that he would live with his dad's girlfriend, but she ended up moving out of the state herself. This left Billy to briefly live with the leftover roomate who used to live with Billy's dad and the dad's girlfriend.
During this few days when he lived with the roomate, Billy would stop by the church for hours at a time. He was nearly homeless. The final solution of sending him to live with his mom is not a great one either. To the best of my knowledge, she doesn't want him. She already has Billy's older brother living with her, but it looks to me that she is really more interested in her current husband and their new baby. I can't imagine that wild Billy with all of his problems will be all that welcome there, especially since he doesn't get along with his mom's husband.
One day this last week, Billy's day consisted of skipping school and watching porn in the morning, walking to the dollar store and stealing stuff, showing up at school for a while, and then coming to hang out at church after school. So, in all this, I wonder what my role should be? In my previous roles in evangelical churches, I think it was pretty clear: get Billy to make a decision to ask Christ into his heart, and then encourage Billy (with Christ's help) to live a more moral life. To me, this rings pretty hollow for Billy. Everyone in his life has essentially abandoned him, or doesn't want him, and I'm supposed to do my best to get him to pray a prayer for Jesus to forgive him of his sins? Why does Billy care about his sins? Is Billy's problem that he's a bad guy, or that God sees him as a bad guy unless he asks Jesus to take care of his sins? It seems like Billy's problem is more that there aren't very many people (if any) who really love him. His dad probably does. I don't know about his mom - she sure doesn't act like it. I don't know if his dad's girlfriend does. Should she really be expected to raise this wild kid who is not her own on her own?
So, I wonder, what is my role with Billy if it is not to get him to say a prayer and then come to church and live a more moral life? I think it is first of all doing what I tried to do: be the best adult friend that I could for Billy. That means that I didn't pretend that I was a kid like him, I didn't try to be his dad or teacher, and I wasn't the cops either. I listened to him, spent time with him, gave him stuff to eat and drink, and put up with all of his crap. But I still wonder, what does it matter that I work at a church? Shouldn't a say something spiritual to him, or want something God-related for him? What should that be?
My best guess is that it is to tell him good news about Jesus, but not in a way that is all about him making some kind of decision for Jesus or asking him to get his act together. So, what is the gospel (God's good news) for Billy? I'm not sure. But it probably has something to do with God's unconditional love and acceptance for Billy, and that He will not abandon Billy. There's probably more to it too, but I'm kind of fuzzy on that. I also don't know how to tell that to Billy in a way that doesn't make it like I'm putting conditions on our relationship. I'd like it to be authentic, but I don't know how to do that yet.
Tomorrow, Billy will leave for another state, but he will probably be back. It seems like in these situations the kid bounces around from place to place, and I think Billy likes it here a lot better than in the other state with his mom. We will see. Maybe by then I will have figured out whatever God's good news is for Billy.
No comments:
Post a Comment