For me, this first was called into question after I had been fired from the first church where I had worked with a college and career group and with children's ministries (the quasi-fundamentalist Baptist church). I had essentially grown up in this church spiritually since my freshmen year in high school, and had had a conversion experience while attending this church in my sophomore year in high school. I had immense respect for the senior pastor of this church and had bought into what they were teaching there hook, line, and sinker.
I had ended up believing a lot of screwy things while attending this church. Not to fault them too much, in that every church probably ends up teaching people a lot of screwy stuff. There's just no way to avoid it. Anyway, I essentially believed that every other church in the community was in error in some way (this is why the church gets described as quasi-fundamentalist). It wasn't a cult or anything, but they held a pretty high view of themselves and their beliefs and practices and managed to find fault in just about every other church around. So, you could imagine my trepidation in leaving this church and attempting to find somewhere else to worship. After all, that church had exemplary expository preaching, the exact right mix of hymns and praise songs, and they were biblical when other were not (here's looking at you seeker-sensitive and charismatic churches).
So, imagine my surprise to learn that God was not bound within the walls of that church! God actually spoke through other preachers and was worshipped in other fellowships as well. Thus, the first step in the deconstruction of my quasi-fundamentalism began. This led me to question other things I had been taught in that church as well, and that I have found to be common in contemporary evangelical Christianity. Primary among those things that were questioned were the means of relating with God that were taught in that church.
If one wants to relate with God, the two primary ways above all through which that takes place is via private scripture reading and through a regular, scheduled daily prayer time. This has been commonly known as the "quiet time." The "quiet time" is often suggested as the solution to any number of ills. Are you feeling far away from God? - maybe you have missed a few too many quiet times. Need some direction or encouragement? - better have a quiet time. Falling into sinful patterns of behavior? - you better get your quiet time act together. And, if you miss your quiet times, it is often suggested that you are in sin because you are neglecting your relationship with God.* Not every evangelical takes quite such a legalistic line with quiet times, but the pattern remains with just about every evangelical that I have met that the two primary ways of relating with God come through private scripture reading and prayer, no matter how that is accomplished.
The other unfortunate part of this equation is that anything involving other people is devalued because it doesn't really involve your personal relationship with God. Thus, participating in corporate worship with others is more of just a given - it doesn't really count for much in your relationship with God. You could get in trouble with God for not showing up to worship with others, but actually showing up and worshipping didn't really give you any points in your relationship with God. You just pretty much fulfilled your duty and didn't slide backwards. This could be said with respect to any number of other practices that involve other people. They were beneficial, but not personal, so they didn't score you any points.
So, what's the problem with the "quiet time," or with private scripture reading and prayer? Well, I had to figure this out the hard way. After leaving the Baptist church, I quickly lost the desire to abide by the old rules I had learned about quiet times. This was a huge struggle with me for many years. Could I have a relationship with God that didn't depend on my own efforts to connect with him** each day via these quiet times? Does God speak apart from prayer and scripture? Does prayer simply consist of me going to a quiet room and speaking to God either silently or out loud, or could it involve something more? What if I liked to read the Bible in its original languages, or for an hour once a week instead of 15 minutes per day? Could God accept these forms of behavior?
Maybe it seems obvious to anyone reading this post, but I had ingested a lot of pretty screwed up thinking that literally took years to undo. I still struggle with feeling guilty about wondering what God expects out of me, and how I must be letting him down because I don't pray enough or read my Bible enough. Legalism is a pretty ugly way of life, particularly when it gets mixed up with relationship. Fortunately, I ended up learning that God is bigger and more loving than whatever I do or don't do, and that he can speak through whatever he feels like.
Besides these things, I also learned about many other ways to relate to God outside of just personal scripture reading and prayer. Some of them are time-tested means that have been used by countless saints throughout Christian history, like: solitude, fasting, meditation, simplicity, service, worship, and many more. Reading scripture does not have to look like simply ingesting a chapter from Ephesians from the NIV every morning or evening. Instead, one could practice Lectio Divina or "dwelling in the word." I also learned through the help of a spiritual director to look for signs of God's relating with me throughout the day - not just at a certain time. And, I learned that prayer can be much more than what I first thought it was. It can involve listening, thinking, singing, and it has an important component that involves other people as well (as does Scripture reading). It didn't necessarily need to be me in a quiet room by myself.
But, most importantly, I learned that God was not looking for me to always be doing stuff to please him. That was the worst trap of all in all of the quiet time teaching. You could read your Bible - or not. Pray every day - or not. God wasn't going to let go of you, reject you, or write you off because you did or didn't do those things. You can't manipulate God by what you do to have him like you more. Likewise you don't fall away from his love for you if you don't do something. It just doesn't work that way. One of the best ways to understand this is to look at the stories in the Old Testament and how God's people related with him there. That might sound a little strange given the amount of laws in the OT, but just look at Abraham's relationship with God, or Job's relationship with God. There was no manipulation, or guilt, or prescribed daily rituals. As a matter of fact, it looks like Job's prescribed daily rituals got blown up and he got to know God in a new way after his life fell apart. God and those guys just related with each other. And that involved questioning, doubting, loving, praising, neglecting, hating, and any number of other emotions and practices. I think the only thing God really doesn't want is apathy - but he can deal with that too :)
Well, I'm sure I left some stuff out, but you probably get the picture. This was the beginning for me. And once this began to change, so much more began to change as well.
* I wish I could deal with conservative evangelical views of sin here, but it needs to be saved for another post.
** Sorry for all the "he's" and "him's." Old habits are hard to break, and I'd rather use personal pronouns for God than impersonal ones.
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